quiet? really?!

so i went on the second date. and he was very nice and explained to me that he has massive baggage (ex and rebound) still loitering. told him i wouldn't see him again. (i mean, i said it nicely)

we made out. very nice.

and so we're lying in a park under the stars (or just one star rather cos it was rather cloudy) and he was talking. he talks quite a bit. it's nice. and he asks me questions. and i'm so wrapped up in listening to him that i don't really answer. apart from the amazing fact that i can't really think of anything to say, i'm just waiting to listen to the next thing he says. i spend so much time with people who listen to me 24/7... this must be what it's like to be on the other end. it's actually nice, and i never thought it would be. i now understand my best friend, who would always say simply 'But Bee, i'm a listener,' when i used to get exasperated at her silence.

but i think it annoyed him. my silence, i mean. well, it's not like i wasn't answering him at all, but i certainly wasn't furthering the conversation. in the field that i'm in, i'm very aware of the difference between open and closed conversation... and i just realised tonight, 4 nights later, that he would have been really struggling.

and i want to say sorry, but i guess it doesn't matter, cos i'm not going to see him again anyway. but i feel ridiculously guilty. and i also feel like laughing my head off, cos i don't think i've EVER been in that situation in my life; where i've been the quiet one making the other person feel uncomfortable.

no! actually i lie! i can tie another story into this!

Just last night Old Man called me. he has been regularly (around every 10 days to 2 weeks) messaging me and calling me. i've been ignoring everything. this has been going on for MONTHS now. examples of his last two message: HI, IT'S OLD MAN... HOW ARE YOU? I HOPE YOU ARE WELL. KEEP IN TOUCH. YOURS, OLD MAN. and: THINKING OF YOU... OLD MAN :)

no shit.

anyway.

he called me last night on PRIVATE! little fucker.

Me: Good afternoon, Bee speaking.
Old Man: Bee! hello!
Me: (i knew who it was just from those two words and nearly rammed up the car in front of me on Alexandra Pde). Hello? who's this?
Old Man: uh, Bee, it's Old Man
Me: (feigning ignorance) Old Man?
Old Man: yes, we did the personal development course together?

at this point i ran through all this in my head in a matter of milliseconds:
1- i didn't want to talk to him
2 - last time i was stuck on the phone with him for half an hour and he left thinking i was interested in him
3- if i was going to be nice and polite to him the same would happen again
4- i was around the corner from salsa, and was this entire conversation worth it? NO!

Me: (coldly) ah yes Old Man (things thought but not said: Wow! How are you? i haven't spoken to you in ages!)
Old Man: uhm, so... Bee? how have you been?
Me: Good. (thoughts: eek! this is killing me... feel insane desire to ask him how he is... biting lip)
Old Man: oh ok. uhm, so Bee, i was wondering, I'm going to that other Personal development course, and there's an introduction to it this tuesday, and i would really love you to come with me as my guest.
Me: um, no thankyou (HAD TO say thankyou at the end... otherwise would have had an accident on the road)
Old Man: uh, well, why not?
Me: i'm not interested in it. (i'm KILLING myself. i am actually going to make myself explode from rudeness)
Old Man: but... (by this point, clearly struggling with this one sided conversation) that's what an introduction is for, to see if you're interested.
Me: no. i'm telling you i'm not. (agh! aaaaagh!)
Old Man: oh, ok (very taken aback)
Me: ok, well Old Man, have a good evening, bye! (i already feel like a dog, might as well keep going)
Old Man: uhm, bye Bee (almost a whisper)

good god!

i literally nearly killed myself doing that!

and others on the road around me.