worst EVER!

We went to the spot on thursday night and two absolutely disusting things happpened.

disgusting story number 1:
My friend S. came on her own to meet me and my friends at The Spot on Sydney Road in Brunswick. She explained what had happened to her when she got out of the car by herself.

S: I got out of the car and this group of guys yelled out-
B: show us your tits
S: they yelled show us your-
B: tits
S: CUNT

If there is one word in the English language that is still not acceptable to say because it's just too vulgar it's that word. I cannot believe someone said that.

disgusting story number 2:
I was dancing at the end of the dance floor, facing S. Behind her was a tall table with a 45 year old man watching me dance. He was staring so unashamedly and it was infuriating. I kept on looking up at him and giving him a look, but he simply didn't care and kept holding my gaze like as if it was a mutual thing (ha!) He then took his camera phone out of his pocket, held it high with the flash on and took a photo of me. My jaw hit the floor. I was mouthing to him every four letter word under the sun. He looked at me with a smile on his lips, looked down at his phone still smiling, and walked off to the toilet immediately!

In hindsight if that happens again i am going to tackle the pervert for the phone and delete the number... should make for an interesting post if it happens.

pose for the camera!

Uncle P has explained to his daughters and nieces what we've been doing wrong all this time. Thank God, all this time I thought it was all the males in the world, it's actually me... because I had never really been able to succeed in Uncle P's 6 step pick up pose. I shit you not.

STEP 1- raise your eyebrows expectantly
STEP 2- open your eyes as wide as they go
STEP 3- smile, ensuring that you are showing teeth
STEP 4- twist your shoulders so your face is to the one you want to pick up and your shoulders are facing the other direction... highly unnatural stance i might add
STEP 5- tilt your head down, keeping your eyes up
STEP 6- FLUTTER YOUR EYELIDS!!!

i have nothing more to add, i don't need to tease this, it does it itself.

show us ya tits

yes they actually say that. i went out with 3 friends last night and as soon as just one of us was beginning to get out of the car a group of guys made a beeline for her, asking 'where are you off to tonight?'

we shook them off.

then a guy accross the road yelled out 'show us ya tits'

we ignored him.

then we walked into the club, guys trying to stand in front of us so we would be forced to talk to them as we tried to maneouvre our way around them so we could go to the toilet.

we walked into the unisex toilets and i saw a boy walking out of the half that was designated for girls, i looked at him and said 'this is the girl's toilet, get out'. he ran past me. one of the barmaids walked out behind him and told me angrily that she had just found him having sex in the toilet with a girl who had already run out. 'F'n pig' she spat.

then later on at crown we were heading towards the escalators and two guys joined our group and started talking a hundred miles an hour 'hey, how you girls going, what did you get up to tonight etc' they followed us down on the step behind us continuing their blabber, one of the guys putting their head between mine and my friend's head. we weren't saying anything, and one of my friends looked at her shoes. This made the guy pipe up 'now you're looking away from me and pretending you can't hear me, see we're connecting and i don't even know you yet' I burst out laughing.

we got to the bottom and they were still crapping on and they were desperate to get our attention so one of them pulled my friend's hair (grade 2!?) she turned around and yelled 'don't touch my hair!' and we kept on walking. she was really angry cos he had really yanked at it. then he came up to us outside, still trying desperately to get a reaction, and i turned to him in my primary holiday program voice and asked him sternly if he would 'come over her so i can pull your hair out from the roots' They finally got lost.

ah, happy happy joy joy.

no shame whatsoever

it's just that they don't care. they don't care if you think they're morons, or that they're stupid or anything at all.

i was at the dress up christmas party and i was posing for my friend who was taking a photo of me in my geisha costume. right as she was saying 'one, two...' this random guy who didn't know any of us came up behind me, put his arm around me, and posed with his other hand doing the peace sign. i turned around to him and said 'WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?' at which point the flash went off which has now made for a fantastic photo.

who DOES that?!

a first

so this blog has shown so far that every time we meet a male stranger they prove to be dickheads. for the first time since i began writing this that did not happen.

Danielle and I went to St Kilda sea baths last night and went to the bar to have drinks. when i said 'thank you very much' the bartender turned to me, pointed his index fingers at me like guns, and said 'no, thank YOU very much!'

danielle and i smiled. he smiled back.

this just shows that it takes VERY LITTLE to impress us due to all the other morons, and comparitively he was a catch!

must have something to do with hudson's...

i went in for my 3rd massage today and got there a bit early, so again i decided to pop into Hudson's for a coffee. As i stepped into the cafè i saw shakira boy having a break, who stopped talking to his co-worker mid sentence, dropped his jaw and did not make any attempt whatsoever to hide the fact that he was looking me up and down... and up and down... and up and down. i looked at him, muttered 'ffs' and rolled my eyes.

later on i was walking back down King's street and there was a 20-something relatively good-looking guy sitting on a table outside. well i thought he was good looking till i heard him say 'hey baby! how you doing?...' i edged closer to the window shop as i walked past him when all of a sudden his friend, from the inside of the coffee shop, tapped manically at the glass right as my face was only 10 centimetres away. i jumped in the air and tried to compose my walking so i wouldn't fall, all the while he was still saying random crap like 'what... you can't speak? speak to me will ya?'

after i was a few meters away i realised that one of the things he yelled sounded a lot like 'don't hate me cos you aint me'. COME ON!

day mmm-hmmm

i went to a new kebab shop near work for lunch yesterday. i sat down and waited for my food on the same small cafe table as a 40-ish man. i gave him a tiny meaningless smile when i sat down, which just meant 'i'm going to sit down at this table for a minute' come on, everyone knows if you're invading someone's space or in this matter someone's table you have to be nice about it, therefore the smile. EVERYONE knows it is not a pick up tactic. it's like as when you're at church and it's full and you have to sqeeze past people, you give them a little nothing smile to say 'sorry if i'm inconveniencing you but i'm going to do it anyway'. you don't see guys at church jumping up and asking 'so what natio are ya?'

anyway so the 40 year old starts chatting me up while i gave him one word answers and turned away from him slightly and became suddenly extremely interested in eating my dolmades which weren't even mine, i bought them for my boss, but i just didn't want to talk to him and figured if i had a mouth full of vine leaves it would make for a valid excuse.

all that aside... when i'm 40, if i'm still single i would never chat up a 23 year old. and if i did it wouldn't be as lame as 'so... how's your day been / hot weather we've been having hey / myself, i like the rain, it's romantic (i gagged at this point)'

my life is futile.

day whatever

it's hard to sit down and write all the idiotic things that have happened male-related because they're such a common occurance that i think they're normal and i quickly forget them.

1- 2 days ago, driving with the windows down with my friend and we both looked REALLY good, a guy stuck his head out the window of a party bus and barked at us to get our attention... like in coming to america when she barks like the little dog ARK ARK ARK.

HMM I'LL ADD MORE TO THIS LATER....

day whatever i'm up to of this experiment

see now mum and dad clearly don't want me to have accurate findings for this experiment so they took cass and me to the yarra valley where we were the only girls under the age of 55... even the parentals were young comparitively. so i have no stories to write about here.

last night we went to cq in the city. it was FREEZING so i wore jeans, heels, a singlet and a jumper for the walk from the car to the club. the bouncer took one look at what my friend and i were wearing (she was wearing a cardigan too) and said 'don't bother, you're not getting in'. he then proceeded to let in random girls who were very clearly dressed by blind people in because you could see their butt cheeks hanging out the bottom of either hot pants or micro mini skirts.

i have never been knocked back, so i wasn't really upset, but it just goes to show that in order for us to meet guys we would have to go where guys are and in order to get into where the guys are we need to be wearing our bikinis on a 12 degree night!

days 3 and 4

well nothing happened only because i only came in contact with my workmates and then my immediate family. this just further proves that we are guaranteed for something stupid to happen if we leave the house.

day three of experiment

i went dancing and there was a tall skinny guy who i think had the wrong idea of dancing. he was trying so hard to press his pelvis up against mine, so i did my special thumb grip on his shoulder and pushed him away. he was still on his mission, so every time he danced with me he bent his knees and turned into this concave skinny semi circle... i could dance because i was still standing up strait, but he looked like an absolute retard, because his shoulders and feet were far away from me but his hips were in towards me.

he's probably woken up with a nice bruise on his right shoulder

:)

day two of experiment

i stayed at home during the day so i thought i wouldn't have any stories since dad is pretty much normal and adrian is in japan. i was cleaning out my bookshelf and i came across an old email Danielle had sent me dated friday 15 september 2000... 7 years ago.

...oh i forgot to tell you about smelly boy. i was at practice on sunday and this fat boy with orange hair kept coming up to me and smiling. he wore enough deodorant for 20 people and it was killing me. his position in the dance turned out to be right next to me and i had to hold his hand for 10 minutes... it was torture!

then i was talking to my friend and she stopped me, so i turned around and his stinking fat head was on top of my shoulders, practically in my neck! after i told him to piss off, he moved onto three other girls in my school. they are year 11's and he kept on going up to them.

stinky- hey girls
girls- piss off
stinky- i'm turning you on
girls- yeah you're right keep trying
(girls then bent down)
stinky- nice view
girls- piss off we don't date year 10's
stinky- that's alright i'm a year 9 (what an idiot)
girls- go away we don't like you
stinky- they want me, bad.

first day of experiment

ok, so our parents think we've lost it because my cousins and i are:
-fussy
-hard to get along with
-basically not nice
-never going to move out of home because we're never going to get married.

I walk in the city on the first day and i see a car to the left of me with 3 guy's hands out the window waving like lunatics to get my attention. i walk into hudson's coffee and order an iced coffee. the guy who makes it for me accidentally gives it to me with no lid. he realises, and yells 'oh-oh-hang on-oh!' and breaks his neck to get me the lid. i turn to get a straw and he yells again 'here here here!' and hands me a straw. RELAX!
that seems nice, but it can get kind of annoying after a while, but anyway, i'm not really complaining... yet.

lol, the crazy waiter just came up behind me and started cleaning the table (i'm using their internet) and got my attention by starting to sing the beyonce and shakira song... hope he didn't read this.

driving down mt alexander road stuck in traffic with the windows down a guy asked us where we were going. we both politely stated the obvious 'nowhere' and he then asked us in earnest if we would give him a lift to the city.

we went to park the car and a guy across the road asked us where we were going. we answered 'nowhere' very nicely cos we didn't want to annoy him because i didn't want him to key my car cos i had finally found a park.

we walked down to the restaurant and there was a guy standing on the corner who asked us out to dinner by using no words... instead he pointed at us, motioned shovelling food into his mouth, and then raised his eyebrows. he repeated this process twice.

driving back out from dinner we wound up our windows and locked our doors. a guy ran in front of the car so i had to slam on the brakes and stop, in which time he then ran to the passenger door to try to open it.