bitter and twisted

a few weeks ago at dancing one of my friends, George (not the bald one), was telling us a story about these two girls he overheard at the motor show, talking about guys they were seeing. they were leggy barbies, the ones that usually wear next to nothing or, worse still, have their clothes just painted on. anyway, he heard one say to the other 'well, i'm seeing Rick and Paul at the moment, but really, at the end of the day, Rick makes 120 grand a year and Paul only makes 85 grand a year so I think i'm going to keep Rick.'

He spun around and went skitzo at them. Told them it was stupid girls like them that made men the way they are. Told them that their looks will eventually fade and they'd be left with nothing. Told them that there was clearly nothing between the ears. That Rick and Paul were probably screwing another 10 girls each. He told them that they weren't anything special. They were apparently stunned into silence and didn't respond.

He turned to me and asked 'Can you believe how stupid they were?!"

I suddenly realised I'd been holding my breath. I looked over at Renee, an older dancer who is very happy with her partner. She looked how i felt about the whole story.

'George,' I said gently. 'You sound really bitter and twisted.'

'What?! what doyou think?' he asked Renee.

'Uhm,' she stammered. 'well, not twisted... but bitter, very bitter.'

'I sound like that,' I whispered, more to myself than them.

'What, bella?' Renee asked, trying to get out of telling George she thought he was insance.

'I sound like that. Sometimes. Not all the time. But listening to George just now made me realise that sometimes... that's me. But the other way around. I'm going crazy at men and blaming random men for all the horrible things that other men have done to me. I don't want to sound like that.' My head was spinning.

'Honey, seriously, you never sound like that. So don't worry,' Renee reassured me.

but sometimes i do.