i want to marry a vampire

damn twilight to hell.

not really, i love you stephanie myer.

so as if i wasn't fussy enough before, i am now chasing a perfect man. no, not even a man, a vampire.

but anyway, i digress.

some people i know were recently talking about how the worst thing that had ever happened to them was to discover that their partner had cheated on them. death (usually) is natural. breaking up / divorce is sometimes inevitable. but cheating is a choice, hence it hurting in a different way, and from what they said, ever so much stronger.

in the second book Edward leaves Bella; for her own good. He tries his hardest to explain that it's for the best, she kicks up a stink, and he then tells her he had never loved her. she loses it. completely and totally loses it. she loses her life. she loses herself.

i have never been cheated on. well, not really. i had broken up with my ex and i was contemplating getting back together with him. the night i had him over my house to tell him i wanted to get back together he stumbled and got tripped up in a lie and i found out that he'd been sleeping with some random all that time. if anything, i was happy that he stuffed up because he showed me that while i'd spent every waking moment thinking of him recently, he obviously wasn't doing the same. what hurt me was my own stupidity and blindness. he had lied to me so many times in the last few months before that night and the lies just rolled off his tongue so easily; i suspected nothing at all.

the worst thing that had ever happened to me boyfriend-related was exactly like twilight. my boyfriend was trying to break up with me, i was refusing to accept it and going bananas... then he told me he had never loved me.

when i think back, i have no idea how i drove home from his house.

it wasn't just because what he'd said. it was because i was so alone! i'd fought tooth and nail for him, although granted he had no idea. i had totally changed as a person because of him. i had ditched so many friends, made so many new enemies, disliked so many people because he disliked them. all because i loved him wholeheartedly.

and for what?

so that he could tell me he never loved me?

so that once again, i would feel stupid and blind?

eek, what a horrible post. 16 days into the new year; i don't want to start like this! goodbye wallowing in sorrow Bee! closing this one off and writing a new post shortly... a happier post :)