i treat them so nicely. so so so very nicely. they comment on it. all the time. ALL the time. gosh, you're so nice. and they're surprised. and they say they're surprised. and they look and sound damn surprised. and they explain that they've only ever gone out with bitchy girls before. you're so nice... you're so polite, i can't believe it. you're so GOOD!

so what do they do in return?

act like arseholes.

and what do i do?

APOLOGISE!

i'm off my bloody tree. sometimes i hear the words coming out of my mouth and my conscience is screaming at me 'why?! why are YOU saying this? HE'S in the wrong!' but i end up saying it nevertheless. how do i do this?

and that's not the worst of it. because i apologise the dick heads then think they deserved the apology and make me wait around till they then decide to come back and forgive me.

excuse me.

forgive me?

ME?!

how is it that a girl who is nearly a quarter of a century old, who is pretty cluey if i do say so myself, who has a degree, who has already had 4 different successful careers, who isn't socially retarded, who has hundreds of friends, who assists others with complications in their lives, who case manages other's lives... how is it that this girl can not stop apologising when she feels that she needs the apology.

and it's not just that. i'm pretty damn level headed. it's not that i think i need the apology; i KNOW he's in the wrong.

and with me instead sorry-ing it up, i'm pretty much conditioning him into thinking i've been doing stuff wrong. which could seriously not be further from the truth.

ahhhh.

dunno