WARNING! IF YOU'VE NEVER READ ANY OF MY OTHER POSTS DON'T LET THIS BE THE FIRST ONE YOU READ! move onto another and come back to this later so you know i'm not a whacko. thankyou.
these will be the males that my friends and I will shoot:
cheaters. enough said.
Chris from Chris and Marie's plant farm.
guys who stand in the middle of a circle of friends and exclude others who were being polite.
Guys who can talk about themselves for 4 hours.
guys who talk about their exes on a date.
muzzas / marios
guys who boast about the number of 'chicks' they've slept with.
guys who wear skinny leg jeans.
guys who are totally cheap... stingy guys who take you to la porchetta cos they think it's fine dining. by the way, we are more than willing to pay, but we want to see that the guy would pay if we couldn't, that's all. one of my feinds has a friend who was taken to MACCAS on a date.
guys who invite you out as though there are no intentions and then turn it into a date
guys with the expectation that girls will stay at home, make babies and cook for the rest of their lives.
guys who love the good old double standard: it's ok for them to slut around but when a girl does a millionth of what they do it's the end of the world.
guys who refuse to go shopping with you. specifically, guys who are petrified of going near bras'n'things like as though they will immediately die if they enter.
guys who have their underwear sticking out and their pants' waist are under their butt cheeks and they're constantly grabbing handfulls of their pants and dragging them up their backsides to no avail.
guys who grab and rearrange their stuff in public... if we did that, what would they be thinking?
white guys who pretend that they're black... you wigga
guys who think that getting high or drunk is the only way to have fun
guys who think your face is located near your chest and who converse with your breasts.
guys who think it's ok to put their hand up your skirt when you walk past them in a crowded club.
guys who are balding, have only a few hairs on their head but still use handfulls of gel.
guys who you've told several times that the answer is NO and believe this translates to YES
stalkers. enough said
obsessive guys. quite scary.
guys who treat their cars as if they're human. sometimes, they treat them better than their girlfreinds. hmm. especially when they talk lovingly about their cars and refer to their car (inatimate object by the way) and 'her' and 'she'.
excessively hairy guys that don't do ANYTHING about it ... and expect their girls to have not one stray hair on any part of their bodies.
guys who want their girlfriends to stay skinny but who accumulate beer bellies, chubby cheeks (both ends) and that's ok
guys who blatently perve on other girls in front of their girlfriends
guys who flirt in front of their girlfriends... or any other time for that matter
guys who believe in the different postcode rule. for god's sake, it was once in an american movie and guys nowadays treat it as gospel
Liars!
guys who wear the same aftershave as my nonno
guys who go out with several girls at once and use one another as their backups.
THE FOLLOWING ARE ADDED BY MY FREINDS AND ARE NOT SUPPORTED BY ME!:
guys who have huge feet and you later find out it's false advertising
Guys who have hairy butt cheeks... trying hard to not confuse you with a monkey!
guys who permanently wear hats, we doubt they even take them off in the shower, when they do they must have a permanent hat mark
guys who have no sense of humour... were you forced to watch IT as a child? you should go get your rear ends examined as you may find a pole up there
guys who can't take it when they realise that girls are better at arcade games than they are... sorry boys but games were not made for males only, so get used to being beaten at your own game!
chauvinist pigs who talk badly about women and who are ignorant to the fact it's 2008... no offence guys but the world is no longer dominated by you (my freind also inserted here 'and we do it better cos we're smarter' but i don't believe that)
guys who are intimidated by strong independant womes and who find them a turn off... would you prefer a woman who is too scared and shy and meek to say or do anything? do you want a partner or a slave?
guys who refer to women as bitch and slut... you guys aren't god's gift to women and the sooner you realise that your brain is located in your head the better for
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
hello... do you like my palm?
i've never laughed so hard in my life.
D. has a socially retarded friend, C. She scares the immortal crap out of every single guy who has ever shown even the slightest interest in dating her and manages to turn them off once they've already said they'll go out on a date with her and then they back out.
i decided to come to the rescue by volunteering myself and D. for one night to take C. out... to go speed dating. I thought it would be good for C., cos not only would she actually get to the date stage, she would get 20 dates in one night.
So D. and I began researching speed dating. Neither of us had any other knowledge apart from watching that one Kath and Kim episode. So we googled it.
well.
let's just say we quickly decided that C. can never go on a date for the rest of her life and we still won't be stooping to going speed dating for her sake. after reading the kind of tips it gave to dating hopefuls (eg. 'wear deodorant') we realised that we would be in a room FULL of social retards.
observe the list below...
SIGNS SHE IS INTERESTED
Sidelong glances
Looks at him a few times
Holds his gaze briefly
She has downcast eyes, then she looks away
Touches her neck or hair
Touches her lips
Turns body towards him
Tilts her head
Narrows her eyes slightly into an eye smile
Flashes her palm
Smiles
SIGNS HE IS INTERESTED
Looks at you
Moves his body to face you
Posture changes to alert
Adjusts his tie
Puts his hand in his pocket
Dangles his hand from his belt
Slight movement of the pelvis backward
Leans towards you
Smiles
Adopts an open body posture
there are several that i could have a good laugh at, but for the purpose of this post i will only focus on one: GUYS, SHE IS INTERESTED IF SHE FLASHED HER PALM AT YOU.
what the? so after much laughter we decided to put this theory to the test at the Belgian Beer Garden on saturday night. D., my friend S., the lovely socially impaired C. and myself were there. D. and S. went first, leaving me to struggle to converse with C. at the table. 10 minutes later they ran back to us, laughing and yelling 'it worked!'
D. went up to a guy and held out her palm at chest level. he stopped talking, looked down in amazement, and D. quickly asked 'what are you thinking?' He answered, 'I think i like you!' 'Great!' cried D., walking off. 'it's just an experiment, thanks!'
the next guy gave her a high five and told her that it was the best pick up tactic he'd ever seen. She thanked him and moved on. We tried this again and again, and we had 100% success rate. I even sat down at a whole table full of guys and just presented both of my hands. Guys were breaking their necks trying to fight over who was going to have the privelige to read my palm, with the winning guy yelling 'i did a certificate in palm reading, outta my way!'
but the fact remains that guys are still dickheads because the first guy who we palmed later on threw a bottle of alcohol at a security guard who ducked. The bottle sprayed all over us and hit S. in the foot.
D. has a socially retarded friend, C. She scares the immortal crap out of every single guy who has ever shown even the slightest interest in dating her and manages to turn them off once they've already said they'll go out on a date with her and then they back out.
i decided to come to the rescue by volunteering myself and D. for one night to take C. out... to go speed dating. I thought it would be good for C., cos not only would she actually get to the date stage, she would get 20 dates in one night.
So D. and I began researching speed dating. Neither of us had any other knowledge apart from watching that one Kath and Kim episode. So we googled it.
well.
let's just say we quickly decided that C. can never go on a date for the rest of her life and we still won't be stooping to going speed dating for her sake. after reading the kind of tips it gave to dating hopefuls (eg. 'wear deodorant') we realised that we would be in a room FULL of social retards.
observe the list below...
SIGNS SHE IS INTERESTED
Sidelong glances
Looks at him a few times
Holds his gaze briefly
She has downcast eyes, then she looks away
Touches her neck or hair
Touches her lips
Turns body towards him
Tilts her head
Narrows her eyes slightly into an eye smile
Flashes her palm
Smiles
SIGNS HE IS INTERESTED
Looks at you
Moves his body to face you
Posture changes to alert
Adjusts his tie
Puts his hand in his pocket
Dangles his hand from his belt
Slight movement of the pelvis backward
Leans towards you
Smiles
Adopts an open body posture
there are several that i could have a good laugh at, but for the purpose of this post i will only focus on one: GUYS, SHE IS INTERESTED IF SHE FLASHED HER PALM AT YOU.
what the? so after much laughter we decided to put this theory to the test at the Belgian Beer Garden on saturday night. D., my friend S., the lovely socially impaired C. and myself were there. D. and S. went first, leaving me to struggle to converse with C. at the table. 10 minutes later they ran back to us, laughing and yelling 'it worked!'
D. went up to a guy and held out her palm at chest level. he stopped talking, looked down in amazement, and D. quickly asked 'what are you thinking?' He answered, 'I think i like you!' 'Great!' cried D., walking off. 'it's just an experiment, thanks!'
the next guy gave her a high five and told her that it was the best pick up tactic he'd ever seen. She thanked him and moved on. We tried this again and again, and we had 100% success rate. I even sat down at a whole table full of guys and just presented both of my hands. Guys were breaking their necks trying to fight over who was going to have the privelige to read my palm, with the winning guy yelling 'i did a certificate in palm reading, outta my way!'
but the fact remains that guys are still dickheads because the first guy who we palmed later on threw a bottle of alcohol at a security guard who ducked. The bottle sprayed all over us and hit S. in the foot.
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