hello... do you like my palm?

i've never laughed so hard in my life.

D. has a socially retarded friend, C. She scares the immortal crap out of every single guy who has ever shown even the slightest interest in dating her and manages to turn them off once they've already said they'll go out on a date with her and then they back out.

i decided to come to the rescue by volunteering myself and D. for one night to take C. out... to go speed dating. I thought it would be good for C., cos not only would she actually get to the date stage, she would get 20 dates in one night.

So D. and I began researching speed dating. Neither of us had any other knowledge apart from watching that one Kath and Kim episode. So we googled it.

well.

let's just say we quickly decided that C. can never go on a date for the rest of her life and we still won't be stooping to going speed dating for her sake. after reading the kind of tips it gave to dating hopefuls (eg. 'wear deodorant') we realised that we would be in a room FULL of social retards.

observe the list below...

SIGNS SHE IS INTERESTED

Sidelong glances
Looks at him a few times
Holds his gaze briefly
She has downcast eyes, then she looks away
Touches her neck or hair
Touches her lips
Turns body towards him
Tilts her head
Narrows her eyes slightly into an eye smile
Flashes her palm
Smiles

SIGNS HE IS INTERESTED

Looks at you
Moves his body to face you
Posture changes to alert
Adjusts his tie
Puts his hand in his pocket
Dangles his hand from his belt
Slight movement of the pelvis backward
Leans towards you
Smiles
Adopts an open body posture

there are several that i could have a good laugh at, but for the purpose of this post i will only focus on one: GUYS, SHE IS INTERESTED IF SHE FLASHED HER PALM AT YOU.

what the? so after much laughter we decided to put this theory to the test at the Belgian Beer Garden on saturday night. D., my friend S., the lovely socially impaired C. and myself were there. D. and S. went first, leaving me to struggle to converse with C. at the table. 10 minutes later they ran back to us, laughing and yelling 'it worked!'

D. went up to a guy and held out her palm at chest level. he stopped talking, looked down in amazement, and D. quickly asked 'what are you thinking?' He answered, 'I think i like you!' 'Great!' cried D., walking off. 'it's just an experiment, thanks!'

the next guy gave her a high five and told her that it was the best pick up tactic he'd ever seen. She thanked him and moved on. We tried this again and again, and we had 100% success rate. I even sat down at a whole table full of guys and just presented both of my hands. Guys were breaking their necks trying to fight over who was going to have the privelige to read my palm, with the winning guy yelling 'i did a certificate in palm reading, outta my way!'

but the fact remains that guys are still dickheads because the first guy who we palmed later on threw a bottle of alcohol at a security guard who ducked. The bottle sprayed all over us and hit S. in the foot.