i am hollywood's drawing board

so i found ANOTHER movie about me last night. well this one isn't about me in the present, but it sure as hell will be.

i went to watch 'Baby Mama' last night. about a woman who has been into her career and friends and family and never met 'the one' and then finds herself 37 and childless - so she tries IVF and when it proves to be unsuccessful (due to a T-shaped uterus!?) she decides to go the surrogate option.

in my private blog i have written this:

is it all worth it?
what do i want from life?
i want kids. of that i am certain. there is no doubt and there will never be any doubt of that. i want kids more than i want a husband and more than i want to get married, i've realised lately.

if i get to 30 and i'm still unatached with no vision in the near future of getting married i will seriously begin looking for ways to have kids. be it a sperm donor, marrying one of my gay friends and adopting, i don't care. even doing foster care to lead to adoption. i don't care, i need kids.

i don't look at men and think 'omg, i NEED one of those in my life'. but i do look at children and melt and cry and stay miserable for ages.

i look at myself and think realistically i'm only 24. but i want to be a nonna. i want my children, their husbands and wives and their children around me. i want my grandchildren to come over to have sleepovers at Nonna Bianca's house. i don't want to have kids at 40 and be in a nursing home before they get married

truthfully i want to have kids in my 20's. i would like... 27. that's only 2 and a half years away. i know it's not going to happen.

what could possibly be so bad about going on RSVP? if in a few years time i'm going to be more than willing to marry a gay man - what's the problem then with going on one of those internet dating things?

so i began googling adoption last night and i couldn't stop reading. there seems to be three options - foster care leading to adoption, domestic adoption and international adoption. and the prices weren't as insane as what i had been expecting either - that said - i don't think any amount would shock me because the thought of having a child just makes me hug myself to death.

foster care doesn't really appeal to me. if i was 50 and my kids had moved out of home i would probably do it. or if adoption fell through and i couldn't have my own. but the idea of having a newborn is just what i want, and that just doesn't happen with foster care.

realistically i'd have to adopt from overseas which is double the price of domestic adoptions but again - not fazed in the slightest.

i remember it took my cousins from italy a few years to get their son from Romania, and i thought it would take about the same, possibly longer considering i'm single, but everywhere i'm reading is telling me the process from beginning to end is about one year if you're using an agency. i guess this comes down to two things; that an agency would speed up the process and that they are slow dodgey wankers in Italy.

so... this realization seems very correct in my mind. I'm not looking for a husband; i'm looking for children. Life of a Bee with Kids?