i took my piece of shit in for repair (iPhone) and received a replacement phone - no numbers stored. one hour later i receive this:
Random person:Is it a bad idea to say we should meet up and say hello at some point... if i don't ask i won't know. what do you think?
(my thoughts were that it was my mate trying to get me to agree to give her permission to get back with her ex)
Bee:Lol i have no numbers in my phone again but i know who this is Pam! no... he will contact you if he wants to. if he doesnt' it's his loss not yours
Random person:so who do you think i am? i'm curious now. I have no no no idea what that message meant... hmm... this is kinda fun. hope work is going well.
(at this point i worked out it was a guy asking me out, not my friend Pam)
Bee:Oh god... who is this? i thought this was one of my female friends asking for advice. at least give me a clue. come on
Random person:met you a couple of months ago. and we had a few interesting chats. I'm not 100% sure what to say... maybe you've figured it out now. call one day if you like. no problem...
(i just CRACKED it)
Bee: a few months ago?! and you're asking me out now? wow i feel so special. i still have no idea who you are. piece of advice: don't do that to other girls.
Random person:hmmm... don't be too paranoid. maybe 2 months ago i didn't have the balls to say: should we go out. But i didn't want to be left wondering. So i wrote. Your job sounded and i hope it's going well... x
Bee:humph. i am now pretty curious due to the fact you can spell which omits most males i know. and if i spoke to you about my work i must have thought you were more than alright. give me another clue... please?
no response.
well anyway then i worked out who it was. i'm in a very forgiving mood today so i'm writing him an apology. haven't decided what yet.
hang on
is this a case of my previous post where i apologise when it's their fault?
whatever, i'm doing it anyway
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
i treat them so nicely. so so so very nicely. they comment on it. all the time. ALL the time. gosh, you're so nice. and they're surprised. and they say they're surprised. and they look and sound damn surprised. and they explain that they've only ever gone out with bitchy girls before. you're so nice... you're so polite, i can't believe it. you're so GOOD!
so what do they do in return?
act like arseholes.
and what do i do?
APOLOGISE!
i'm off my bloody tree. sometimes i hear the words coming out of my mouth and my conscience is screaming at me 'why?! why are YOU saying this? HE'S in the wrong!' but i end up saying it nevertheless. how do i do this?
and that's not the worst of it. because i apologise the dick heads then think they deserved the apology and make me wait around till they then decide to come back and forgive me.
excuse me.
forgive me?
ME?!
how is it that a girl who is nearly a quarter of a century old, who is pretty cluey if i do say so myself, who has a degree, who has already had 4 different successful careers, who isn't socially retarded, who has hundreds of friends, who assists others with complications in their lives, who case manages other's lives... how is it that this girl can not stop apologising when she feels that she needs the apology.
and it's not just that. i'm pretty damn level headed. it's not that i think i need the apology; i KNOW he's in the wrong.
and with me instead sorry-ing it up, i'm pretty much conditioning him into thinking i've been doing stuff wrong. which could seriously not be further from the truth.
ahhhh.
dunno
so what do they do in return?
act like arseholes.
and what do i do?
APOLOGISE!
i'm off my bloody tree. sometimes i hear the words coming out of my mouth and my conscience is screaming at me 'why?! why are YOU saying this? HE'S in the wrong!' but i end up saying it nevertheless. how do i do this?
and that's not the worst of it. because i apologise the dick heads then think they deserved the apology and make me wait around till they then decide to come back and forgive me.
excuse me.
forgive me?
ME?!
how is it that a girl who is nearly a quarter of a century old, who is pretty cluey if i do say so myself, who has a degree, who has already had 4 different successful careers, who isn't socially retarded, who has hundreds of friends, who assists others with complications in their lives, who case manages other's lives... how is it that this girl can not stop apologising when she feels that she needs the apology.
and it's not just that. i'm pretty damn level headed. it's not that i think i need the apology; i KNOW he's in the wrong.
and with me instead sorry-ing it up, i'm pretty much conditioning him into thinking i've been doing stuff wrong. which could seriously not be further from the truth.
ahhhh.
dunno
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
skewed sense of time
oh my god. how did i not realise this sooner? or did i know this would happen all along and i blocked it until now?
i am totally going to fall in love when i go to italy this year. no doubt about it. no way around it. it's going to happen.
i went to watch vicky christina barcelona with my friend S. tonight. spanish... love... lust... fighting... drama... lust... travel... wine... food... beach... lust. S. laughed through the movie. i watched it in horror... it's going to happen.
i think i knew. i think i've been in denial. i coincidentally (?) told my work friends today that i was thinking about not going out on any more of these crappy first dates. they jumped down my throat. Bee! you've been on 6 dates in as many weeks! how many people can say that? come on!
yeah... but i didn't like one enough to lead to a second. what's that telling you?
Then i told S. tonight that i think i'd be petrified to start dating a guy in australia over the next 5 months. i ONLY want to go on first dates... nothing more solid than that. because no matter how wonderful i think he is here - when i get there - pfft.
oh i sound like such a cruel bitch.
how did i explain it to S.? i'm hardly ever attracted to guys here. i can easily go to a club with a thousand people and find not one guy attractive. for example, based on looks alone, i don't think i've ever been attracted to a japanese man, and vice versa. i rarely see the kind of guys i like, because i live in such a multicultural city. when i'm in italy, the percentage of guys that i find attractive shoot from 3% to well over 90%. and they're attracted to me. so - it's inevitable.
S. said 'bee. surely you're over exaggerating.'
HA!
the first time i went to italy was with my parents and brother and sister. we spent over half the time in my parent's slow and sleepy towns. i fell in love twice; once in each town. the first town, my dad's, i fell for a boy, 16 years old, 2 years ahead of my 14, who live 3 houses down from my zia's house. we became obsessed with one another - him listening to my relatives and translating at a slow italian pace for me when i was coming to visit again. my italian cousins made excuses for me to go with them into the piazza with them at night, and more excuses as to why my parents should stay at home with their parents. His name was Antonio and he was divine. He was tanned, a dark dark brown, even darker than me with jet black hair and light brown eyes with long tangled eye lashes that looked fake. and he had perfect lips. oh so perfect. they came up into two impeccably sharp little points beneath his nose.
he was my first kiss. and maybe that's why now i hate morons in australia with their porno style kissing. if you start at 14 and you start with the best, how the hell can you go backwards?
i was devestated to leave. i gave him my address to write to me. he didn't even wait that long. one of my other cousins from australia was in his town at the time and he passed a letter to her to take to me as she was arriving back in australia 10 days after me.
but between my dad's town and home, we went to my mum's town. and there i fell in love with a cousin's cousin. although it wasn't quite that simple; he was 23. now, i'm 24, i'm a youth worker, i have a working with children's check, i have a clean police record, and now i can understand why my mum was FURIOUS when she could see he liked me. cos it CERTAINLY wasn't just that i liked him. he was obsessed. he never did anything, god knows our families didn't leave us alone for 2 seconds. but god, the tension was just beyond belief. i fell for him much, much harder than i fell for Antonio. the day we left i was inconsolable. it was just crazy.
the second time i went to italy i left behind my boyfriend of 2 and a half years. i still kissed three guys while i was over there. how BAD is that? this is exactly why i cannot get involved with anyone over the next 5 months. i'm not 14 or 18 anymore. i'm 24. i need to grow the hell up. and since i know i can't say no in italy, i have to say no here.
S. asked me what they difference was. if the guys there chased harder than the guys here.
there is no comparison. if a guy there sees you he will decide on the spot, in that millisecond, just seeing you brush your hair out of your eyes or struggle with your crap knowledge of the italian language, he will decide there and then if he is going to chase you. he will make eye contact with you.
and then it's your choice.
you can look at him. stare into him, into his eyes, and accept. or you can just look away. but if you accept, good luck in then refusing him once he starts.
you won't be able to.
i won't be able to
i won't even bother trying
he will look at you. he will stare blatently. he will ask his friends who you are. he will ask his friend's friends who you are. he will ask complete strangers who you are. he will talk to your friends. he will find out about you. he will find out where you are going, what you are doing. and then he will dissapear. you'll want to cry. he didn't even talk to you. all that looking looking looking and he just left. god he was hot.
and then you're at your next venue. a bar, or a club, or a gelateria, whatever. and he's there. waiting. he knows you were coming here; your friends told him. you smile, relieved that he hasn't disappeared off the face of the earth. he smiles back. and suddenly, without you even meaning to, you already have had a conversation of sorts, just with your eyes. you both suddenly know how the other feels, because you see the other relieved to see you again.
it's like there is a skewed sense of time in italy. if you spend one hour with a man it will be full of memorable moments. one right after the other. when i date here, fuck me dead. i grasp at ONE moment. perhaps the difference is that chivalry is by no means dead in italy. it is alive... so very alive.
and they chase.
i love the chase.
in australia the chase is more fun that the relationship.
in italy... they keep chasing you. even after they have you.
there is really no comparison.
italy... welcome to my life!
i am totally going to fall in love when i go to italy this year. no doubt about it. no way around it. it's going to happen.
i went to watch vicky christina barcelona with my friend S. tonight. spanish... love... lust... fighting... drama... lust... travel... wine... food... beach... lust. S. laughed through the movie. i watched it in horror... it's going to happen.
i think i knew. i think i've been in denial. i coincidentally (?) told my work friends today that i was thinking about not going out on any more of these crappy first dates. they jumped down my throat. Bee! you've been on 6 dates in as many weeks! how many people can say that? come on!
yeah... but i didn't like one enough to lead to a second. what's that telling you?
Then i told S. tonight that i think i'd be petrified to start dating a guy in australia over the next 5 months. i ONLY want to go on first dates... nothing more solid than that. because no matter how wonderful i think he is here - when i get there - pfft.
oh i sound like such a cruel bitch.
how did i explain it to S.? i'm hardly ever attracted to guys here. i can easily go to a club with a thousand people and find not one guy attractive. for example, based on looks alone, i don't think i've ever been attracted to a japanese man, and vice versa. i rarely see the kind of guys i like, because i live in such a multicultural city. when i'm in italy, the percentage of guys that i find attractive shoot from 3% to well over 90%. and they're attracted to me. so - it's inevitable.
S. said 'bee. surely you're over exaggerating.'
HA!
the first time i went to italy was with my parents and brother and sister. we spent over half the time in my parent's slow and sleepy towns. i fell in love twice; once in each town. the first town, my dad's, i fell for a boy, 16 years old, 2 years ahead of my 14, who live 3 houses down from my zia's house. we became obsessed with one another - him listening to my relatives and translating at a slow italian pace for me when i was coming to visit again. my italian cousins made excuses for me to go with them into the piazza with them at night, and more excuses as to why my parents should stay at home with their parents. His name was Antonio and he was divine. He was tanned, a dark dark brown, even darker than me with jet black hair and light brown eyes with long tangled eye lashes that looked fake. and he had perfect lips. oh so perfect. they came up into two impeccably sharp little points beneath his nose.
he was my first kiss. and maybe that's why now i hate morons in australia with their porno style kissing. if you start at 14 and you start with the best, how the hell can you go backwards?
i was devestated to leave. i gave him my address to write to me. he didn't even wait that long. one of my other cousins from australia was in his town at the time and he passed a letter to her to take to me as she was arriving back in australia 10 days after me.
but between my dad's town and home, we went to my mum's town. and there i fell in love with a cousin's cousin. although it wasn't quite that simple; he was 23. now, i'm 24, i'm a youth worker, i have a working with children's check, i have a clean police record, and now i can understand why my mum was FURIOUS when she could see he liked me. cos it CERTAINLY wasn't just that i liked him. he was obsessed. he never did anything, god knows our families didn't leave us alone for 2 seconds. but god, the tension was just beyond belief. i fell for him much, much harder than i fell for Antonio. the day we left i was inconsolable. it was just crazy.
the second time i went to italy i left behind my boyfriend of 2 and a half years. i still kissed three guys while i was over there. how BAD is that? this is exactly why i cannot get involved with anyone over the next 5 months. i'm not 14 or 18 anymore. i'm 24. i need to grow the hell up. and since i know i can't say no in italy, i have to say no here.
S. asked me what they difference was. if the guys there chased harder than the guys here.
there is no comparison. if a guy there sees you he will decide on the spot, in that millisecond, just seeing you brush your hair out of your eyes or struggle with your crap knowledge of the italian language, he will decide there and then if he is going to chase you. he will make eye contact with you.
and then it's your choice.
you can look at him. stare into him, into his eyes, and accept. or you can just look away. but if you accept, good luck in then refusing him once he starts.
you won't be able to.
i won't be able to
i won't even bother trying
he will look at you. he will stare blatently. he will ask his friends who you are. he will ask his friend's friends who you are. he will ask complete strangers who you are. he will talk to your friends. he will find out about you. he will find out where you are going, what you are doing. and then he will dissapear. you'll want to cry. he didn't even talk to you. all that looking looking looking and he just left. god he was hot.
and then you're at your next venue. a bar, or a club, or a gelateria, whatever. and he's there. waiting. he knows you were coming here; your friends told him. you smile, relieved that he hasn't disappeared off the face of the earth. he smiles back. and suddenly, without you even meaning to, you already have had a conversation of sorts, just with your eyes. you both suddenly know how the other feels, because you see the other relieved to see you again.
it's like there is a skewed sense of time in italy. if you spend one hour with a man it will be full of memorable moments. one right after the other. when i date here, fuck me dead. i grasp at ONE moment. perhaps the difference is that chivalry is by no means dead in italy. it is alive... so very alive.
and they chase.
i love the chase.
in australia the chase is more fun that the relationship.
in italy... they keep chasing you. even after they have you.
there is really no comparison.
italy... welcome to my life!
Friday, January 16, 2009
spelling... again
ok. so 16 days into 2009 and i've had a couple of pecks (all on new year's eve, one gay guy and several women so they all don't count) and one real kiss.
the women and the pecks were part of the bet from 2008. we are not stupid enough to make another one for new year's eve 2010. cos i'm sure it would upgrade from pecks to french kissing.
anyway. i was driving home from my cousins a few weeks ago and all of a sudden this insane realisation hit me out of nowhere that i really missed my best friend, L's, house birthday parties. she hadn't had one in years. god, they were good. i have literally thousands of good memories of her house parties. even the messiest of drunken moments i thought of fondly. L. has such a beautiful mix of people in her life that her parties are just awesome.
anyway, i was getting off the freeway and i buzzed her to see if i could come past. it was 12.30 but she's completely nocturnal. i'm going so way off on a tangent here. i'll summize: i went to her house, she coincidentally asked me if i could help her make her facebook invitation to her house birthday party she was planning to have, happy happy joy joy, took the day off to help her clean, i'm going to totally omit the part of the night where i wrecked it for myself by inviting my assehole of a cousin... fast forward to the second my cousin leaves the party.
i walked right up to a guy who had been trying to pick me up all night but i was so not up for anything in front of my cousin. i was totally drunk; i went right up to him like it was a catwalk, he was sitting on a chair in a circle cos a bunch of them were listening to one of the guys play guitar. wordlessly, i sat on his lap, wrapped my arm around his neck and rested my head on his shoulder. he silently placed one hand on my knees and wrapped the other around my waist... not my butt, my waist. we sat and listened to our friend playing for ages like that. every now and then he would hug me tight, then relax. we were both totally drunk but not being inappropriate in any way.
he very politely asked me if i smoked. i said no (amazingly, cos for some reason my drunkedness usually results in me smoking like a chimney despite that fact that i am 100% a non smoker when i'm sober!) He faltered... stalled... hung around me not knowing what to say, then asked me if i would like to go out the front with him while he had a cigarette.
the reason i'm going on about this is that, despite the alcohol, he was lovely. there was no doubt that we had both drunk enough to make almost comatose... but he was nicer than any other guy that's tried to pick me up sober in ages.
i went out the front with him and he just hugged me. he didn't even smoke, now that i think about it. i told him i didn't want to kiss him. he didn't try. kept his lips dangerously close to mine.
the only reason i told him i didn't want to kiss him is that i know that i really wanted to, and i knew the kiss would be wasted cos i was plastered.
we were outside for ages. i was beginning to sober up. he was too. and we kissed. and it was, of course, better than any drunk kiss i've ever had, not that i've had many drunk. but... it was better than a sober kiss too. it was absolutely awesome. i truly lost myself.
shit a brick. i totally forgot about my amazing point to this kiss story. i think i just got caught up thinking about it, sitting here, day dreaming.
hmm.
when i remember i'll do another post. in the meantime
oh i remember! i'm so bloody dumb - it's in my title.
ok - so this guy was polite. and intelligent. and cute. and had a very good job. and was a gentleman.
we added one another on facebook.
and he wrote on my wall.
his post includes the following words: lolz, hugzz (that's right, two z's), ma (instead of my) and... wait for it... sumfin.
i facebook stalked him a bit. checked out his wall. read the last comment he'd made on a friend's photo of her son. a few lines, short and sweet, every single word spelt correctly. perfect.
so why do people write like that? is it a facade?
and then i critiqued that way i wrote. do i ensure that every single word is perfect, that there is never a mistake with grammar for the same reason.
me and the guy from the party - we were very similar. and attracted to one another. we could talk to one another. etc etc etc. but he spells like that.
so i have to become a better person. i need to see past it. i need to.
the women and the pecks were part of the bet from 2008. we are not stupid enough to make another one for new year's eve 2010. cos i'm sure it would upgrade from pecks to french kissing.
anyway. i was driving home from my cousins a few weeks ago and all of a sudden this insane realisation hit me out of nowhere that i really missed my best friend, L's, house birthday parties. she hadn't had one in years. god, they were good. i have literally thousands of good memories of her house parties. even the messiest of drunken moments i thought of fondly. L. has such a beautiful mix of people in her life that her parties are just awesome.
anyway, i was getting off the freeway and i buzzed her to see if i could come past. it was 12.30 but she's completely nocturnal. i'm going so way off on a tangent here. i'll summize: i went to her house, she coincidentally asked me if i could help her make her facebook invitation to her house birthday party she was planning to have, happy happy joy joy, took the day off to help her clean, i'm going to totally omit the part of the night where i wrecked it for myself by inviting my assehole of a cousin... fast forward to the second my cousin leaves the party.
i walked right up to a guy who had been trying to pick me up all night but i was so not up for anything in front of my cousin. i was totally drunk; i went right up to him like it was a catwalk, he was sitting on a chair in a circle cos a bunch of them were listening to one of the guys play guitar. wordlessly, i sat on his lap, wrapped my arm around his neck and rested my head on his shoulder. he silently placed one hand on my knees and wrapped the other around my waist... not my butt, my waist. we sat and listened to our friend playing for ages like that. every now and then he would hug me tight, then relax. we were both totally drunk but not being inappropriate in any way.
he very politely asked me if i smoked. i said no (amazingly, cos for some reason my drunkedness usually results in me smoking like a chimney despite that fact that i am 100% a non smoker when i'm sober!) He faltered... stalled... hung around me not knowing what to say, then asked me if i would like to go out the front with him while he had a cigarette.
the reason i'm going on about this is that, despite the alcohol, he was lovely. there was no doubt that we had both drunk enough to make almost comatose... but he was nicer than any other guy that's tried to pick me up sober in ages.
i went out the front with him and he just hugged me. he didn't even smoke, now that i think about it. i told him i didn't want to kiss him. he didn't try. kept his lips dangerously close to mine.
the only reason i told him i didn't want to kiss him is that i know that i really wanted to, and i knew the kiss would be wasted cos i was plastered.
we were outside for ages. i was beginning to sober up. he was too. and we kissed. and it was, of course, better than any drunk kiss i've ever had, not that i've had many drunk. but... it was better than a sober kiss too. it was absolutely awesome. i truly lost myself.
shit a brick. i totally forgot about my amazing point to this kiss story. i think i just got caught up thinking about it, sitting here, day dreaming.
hmm.
when i remember i'll do another post. in the meantime
oh i remember! i'm so bloody dumb - it's in my title.
ok - so this guy was polite. and intelligent. and cute. and had a very good job. and was a gentleman.
we added one another on facebook.
and he wrote on my wall.
his post includes the following words: lolz, hugzz (that's right, two z's), ma (instead of my) and... wait for it... sumfin.
i facebook stalked him a bit. checked out his wall. read the last comment he'd made on a friend's photo of her son. a few lines, short and sweet, every single word spelt correctly. perfect.
so why do people write like that? is it a facade?
and then i critiqued that way i wrote. do i ensure that every single word is perfect, that there is never a mistake with grammar for the same reason.
me and the guy from the party - we were very similar. and attracted to one another. we could talk to one another. etc etc etc. but he spells like that.
so i have to become a better person. i need to see past it. i need to.
i want to marry a vampire
damn twilight to hell.
not really, i love you stephanie myer.
so as if i wasn't fussy enough before, i am now chasing a perfect man. no, not even a man, a vampire.
but anyway, i digress.
some people i know were recently talking about how the worst thing that had ever happened to them was to discover that their partner had cheated on them. death (usually) is natural. breaking up / divorce is sometimes inevitable. but cheating is a choice, hence it hurting in a different way, and from what they said, ever so much stronger.
in the second book Edward leaves Bella; for her own good. He tries his hardest to explain that it's for the best, she kicks up a stink, and he then tells her he had never loved her. she loses it. completely and totally loses it. she loses her life. she loses herself.
i have never been cheated on. well, not really. i had broken up with my ex and i was contemplating getting back together with him. the night i had him over my house to tell him i wanted to get back together he stumbled and got tripped up in a lie and i found out that he'd been sleeping with some random all that time. if anything, i was happy that he stuffed up because he showed me that while i'd spent every waking moment thinking of him recently, he obviously wasn't doing the same. what hurt me was my own stupidity and blindness. he had lied to me so many times in the last few months before that night and the lies just rolled off his tongue so easily; i suspected nothing at all.
the worst thing that had ever happened to me boyfriend-related was exactly like twilight. my boyfriend was trying to break up with me, i was refusing to accept it and going bananas... then he told me he had never loved me.
when i think back, i have no idea how i drove home from his house.
it wasn't just because what he'd said. it was because i was so alone! i'd fought tooth and nail for him, although granted he had no idea. i had totally changed as a person because of him. i had ditched so many friends, made so many new enemies, disliked so many people because he disliked them. all because i loved him wholeheartedly.
and for what?
so that he could tell me he never loved me?
so that once again, i would feel stupid and blind?
eek, what a horrible post. 16 days into the new year; i don't want to start like this! goodbye wallowing in sorrow Bee! closing this one off and writing a new post shortly... a happier post :)
not really, i love you stephanie myer.
so as if i wasn't fussy enough before, i am now chasing a perfect man. no, not even a man, a vampire.
but anyway, i digress.
some people i know were recently talking about how the worst thing that had ever happened to them was to discover that their partner had cheated on them. death (usually) is natural. breaking up / divorce is sometimes inevitable. but cheating is a choice, hence it hurting in a different way, and from what they said, ever so much stronger.
in the second book Edward leaves Bella; for her own good. He tries his hardest to explain that it's for the best, she kicks up a stink, and he then tells her he had never loved her. she loses it. completely and totally loses it. she loses her life. she loses herself.
i have never been cheated on. well, not really. i had broken up with my ex and i was contemplating getting back together with him. the night i had him over my house to tell him i wanted to get back together he stumbled and got tripped up in a lie and i found out that he'd been sleeping with some random all that time. if anything, i was happy that he stuffed up because he showed me that while i'd spent every waking moment thinking of him recently, he obviously wasn't doing the same. what hurt me was my own stupidity and blindness. he had lied to me so many times in the last few months before that night and the lies just rolled off his tongue so easily; i suspected nothing at all.
the worst thing that had ever happened to me boyfriend-related was exactly like twilight. my boyfriend was trying to break up with me, i was refusing to accept it and going bananas... then he told me he had never loved me.
when i think back, i have no idea how i drove home from his house.
it wasn't just because what he'd said. it was because i was so alone! i'd fought tooth and nail for him, although granted he had no idea. i had totally changed as a person because of him. i had ditched so many friends, made so many new enemies, disliked so many people because he disliked them. all because i loved him wholeheartedly.
and for what?
so that he could tell me he never loved me?
so that once again, i would feel stupid and blind?
eek, what a horrible post. 16 days into the new year; i don't want to start like this! goodbye wallowing in sorrow Bee! closing this one off and writing a new post shortly... a happier post :)
Monday, January 12, 2009
dating dramas
good grief.
so much for never having been out on a date. since my last post i've been on not just one, but a few first dates.
will rate everything with a 'He's just not that into me' (HJNTIM) or 'i'm just not that into him' (IJNTIH)
hmm where to start.
ok - number 1 - i went to his house and played wii which was cool. he made me tea. very nice. he talked about interesting stuff. very good. we didn't have a moment of silence - awesome. he accepted that i started to become insanely cut when i was losing at wii tennis. fantastic. but number 1 didn't wear deodorant. i'm not joking. i could smell him when i wasn't even that close to him. and i started to get confused - surely he would have showered? it must be me, i decided. i pretended to scratch my ankle and secretly sniffed my armpit. nope. i showered that morning, went to work, got home, showered again, moisturized, deodorised and perfumised. i smelt great. number 1 - not so much. no second date - didn't message him for a few days, he got the idea. IJNTIH
number 2 - insane. was driving home from first and only date with number 1 and i turned into a lane as another car also turned. we both had our windows down and we stared at one another. he was soooo hot. actually - he looked EXACTLY like my ex, but nevertheless i wasn't thinking about him right then. we slowed down as there were no cars in front or behind us and he began talking to me. i was grinning like a fool, thinking 'this is AWESOME! i so don't care about how bad number 1 smelt anymore! over it!'. he asked if i wanted to pull over so we could talk. we chatted for 10 minutes. exchanged numbers. drove off. he messaged me within 10 minutes. very nice. over the following week we talked and chatted - being so close to christmas i was booked up morning, noon and night. but the more i spoke to him, the more i thought about my ex. they were the same nationality, same age, same accent, same living arrangements, looked EXACTLY the same (can't stress that enough). from wednesday we started talking about how we were going to go out on sunday afternoon. i kept asking where he'd like to go, what he'd like to do, and he kept saying 'anything anything, i just want to see you, you just tell me where' which i found a little annoying but whatever. so sunday comes along... he calls me.
number 2: Bee! How are you?!
Me: Hi number 2, how are you?
number 2: good thankyou. i can't wait to see you. where are you?
Me: ah i'm actually in Brunswick at the moment (insert here that my little sister lost her camera, borrowed mine, left it in her friend's bag, said friend was leaving the next day to spend the next month in Perth, Christmas coming up and i needed my camera... so i was at her house; unavoidable)
number 2: Brunswick?! (shocked voice) so um, where did you want to catch up? what do you want to do? (insert here that number 2 and I live 15 minutes from brunswick)
Me: um, well, i'm just finishing up here, we can catch up here or i was thinking that we could head down to the city, i have to go to melbourne central, there are heaps of nice cafes and bars there... or we could go accross the road to QV?
number 2: the city! gee Bee, that's far... i thought we'd go somewhere closer... like Essendon (insert here that essendon is 15 minutes from our house and the city is an extra 5. immediately i thought about how i spent over 20 minutes just straitening my hair. decided IJNTIH on the spot)
Me: um... you said you wanted to go anywhere... (i trailed off)
number 2: but yeah, i thought since we lived so close to one another we'd go somewhere closer to us... look, maybe we can catch up another day during the week, maybe after work?
Me: yeah maybe (coldly)
hung up and called best friend Liza. she was the one who ordered me to start dating. despite my story, she was still so desperate for me to date that she said 'Bee... c'mon... give him another chance...'
i got cut with her and called my cousin danielle who gave me the response i was looking for. 'Bee, you've got to be kidding. guys are at their absolute best in the beginning. if he can't be bothered driving down 20 minutes to see you for a first date that you guys have been talking about for a week forget it.'
anyway so he was a bit harder to shake. he sent me 10 smses for every one cold one word sms i sent him, he continued to call even after i didn't pick up his calls for days. after christmas he was dying to see me. by new year's eve i thought i was finally rid of him, after not hearing anything for almost 48 hours.
i was dressed up in my burlesque costume and driving to my friend's house on new year's eve. i was wearing frilly blue polka dot knickers... and very little else. i was driving around the roundabout and as i was turning i noticed the hottest guy in the car across from me, waiting to enter the roundabout. we locked eyes. he was HOT! his face contorted. i noticed his car was nice. he has a sunroof... IT'S NUMBER 2! i yelled 'oh fuck!' while looking right at him, which he could undoubtedly lipread. i accelerated like a lunatic onto the freeway. he was four cars behind and sped up at breakneck speed, weaving in and out of traffic. he started beeping his horn and waving his arm out the window. i literally broke out in a cold sweat in milliseconds. i pulled out my mobile and began talking into it, waving my hands around as though i was on handsfree. he drove along side me for 2 and a half exits then sped off. fuuuuuuuck.
i'd also like to add that there were several other things that he said similar to the can't-be-stuffed-driving-20-minutes thing; i didn't make a rash decision.
anyways... who did i date after that. oh yeah. went out with a number 3 who i thought was amazingly funny to talk to, easy to get along with, similar to me on so many levels, but i wasn't physically attracted to him. i ended up getting so angry at myself cos of my superficiality that i organised the date. we went out. he was great, although i think he may lie a little when he tells stories. not exaggerate like i do ('i swear it was four hundred and forty four degrees today!') but as in totally make shit up. i was sitting there, upset as buggery that a) i wasn't attracted to him and b) that he wasn't stuffing up so that i could have a valid reason as to why i wouldn't go out on a second date with him. and then... 'i take party drugs'.
i'm sorry.
what?
enter Bee, youth worker. enter Bee, case manager. enter Bee, most suspicious employee at her work
i proceeded to ask number 3 how often, what kind, how much etc etc. he said a few times a year. times that by at least 3 for the real answer. so he has ecstasy once a month. he then immediately went on to say he's waiting for his passport cos he's going overseas for an indefinate amount of time. i nearly said 'oh no, my apologies, you're on the date with the wrong girl, you want to be with my cousin, Danielle, she only dates men who are just about to leave her and the country'.
i think that was a mutual HJNTIM after the way i reacted, as much as it was a IJNTIH.
hmm... number 4 was actually the following night. it was the exact opposite of the previous night. i was insanely attracted to him... and could not think of one topic, one sentence, one word, one syllable, not even a grunt to utter to him. the lack of chemistry nearly killed me. it was a mutual HJNTIM / IJNTIH. he was STUNNING... but completely girlfriend and socially retarded.
so where am i now?
i exactly the same place i was before these 4 men
so much for never having been out on a date. since my last post i've been on not just one, but a few first dates.
will rate everything with a 'He's just not that into me' (HJNTIM) or 'i'm just not that into him' (IJNTIH)
hmm where to start.
ok - number 1 - i went to his house and played wii which was cool. he made me tea. very nice. he talked about interesting stuff. very good. we didn't have a moment of silence - awesome. he accepted that i started to become insanely cut when i was losing at wii tennis. fantastic. but number 1 didn't wear deodorant. i'm not joking. i could smell him when i wasn't even that close to him. and i started to get confused - surely he would have showered? it must be me, i decided. i pretended to scratch my ankle and secretly sniffed my armpit. nope. i showered that morning, went to work, got home, showered again, moisturized, deodorised and perfumised. i smelt great. number 1 - not so much. no second date - didn't message him for a few days, he got the idea. IJNTIH
number 2 - insane. was driving home from first and only date with number 1 and i turned into a lane as another car also turned. we both had our windows down and we stared at one another. he was soooo hot. actually - he looked EXACTLY like my ex, but nevertheless i wasn't thinking about him right then. we slowed down as there were no cars in front or behind us and he began talking to me. i was grinning like a fool, thinking 'this is AWESOME! i so don't care about how bad number 1 smelt anymore! over it!'. he asked if i wanted to pull over so we could talk. we chatted for 10 minutes. exchanged numbers. drove off. he messaged me within 10 minutes. very nice. over the following week we talked and chatted - being so close to christmas i was booked up morning, noon and night. but the more i spoke to him, the more i thought about my ex. they were the same nationality, same age, same accent, same living arrangements, looked EXACTLY the same (can't stress that enough). from wednesday we started talking about how we were going to go out on sunday afternoon. i kept asking where he'd like to go, what he'd like to do, and he kept saying 'anything anything, i just want to see you, you just tell me where' which i found a little annoying but whatever. so sunday comes along... he calls me.
number 2: Bee! How are you?!
Me: Hi number 2, how are you?
number 2: good thankyou. i can't wait to see you. where are you?
Me: ah i'm actually in Brunswick at the moment (insert here that my little sister lost her camera, borrowed mine, left it in her friend's bag, said friend was leaving the next day to spend the next month in Perth, Christmas coming up and i needed my camera... so i was at her house; unavoidable)
number 2: Brunswick?! (shocked voice) so um, where did you want to catch up? what do you want to do? (insert here that number 2 and I live 15 minutes from brunswick)
Me: um, well, i'm just finishing up here, we can catch up here or i was thinking that we could head down to the city, i have to go to melbourne central, there are heaps of nice cafes and bars there... or we could go accross the road to QV?
number 2: the city! gee Bee, that's far... i thought we'd go somewhere closer... like Essendon (insert here that essendon is 15 minutes from our house and the city is an extra 5. immediately i thought about how i spent over 20 minutes just straitening my hair. decided IJNTIH on the spot)
Me: um... you said you wanted to go anywhere... (i trailed off)
number 2: but yeah, i thought since we lived so close to one another we'd go somewhere closer to us... look, maybe we can catch up another day during the week, maybe after work?
Me: yeah maybe (coldly)
hung up and called best friend Liza. she was the one who ordered me to start dating. despite my story, she was still so desperate for me to date that she said 'Bee... c'mon... give him another chance...'
i got cut with her and called my cousin danielle who gave me the response i was looking for. 'Bee, you've got to be kidding. guys are at their absolute best in the beginning. if he can't be bothered driving down 20 minutes to see you for a first date that you guys have been talking about for a week forget it.'
anyway so he was a bit harder to shake. he sent me 10 smses for every one cold one word sms i sent him, he continued to call even after i didn't pick up his calls for days. after christmas he was dying to see me. by new year's eve i thought i was finally rid of him, after not hearing anything for almost 48 hours.
i was dressed up in my burlesque costume and driving to my friend's house on new year's eve. i was wearing frilly blue polka dot knickers... and very little else. i was driving around the roundabout and as i was turning i noticed the hottest guy in the car across from me, waiting to enter the roundabout. we locked eyes. he was HOT! his face contorted. i noticed his car was nice. he has a sunroof... IT'S NUMBER 2! i yelled 'oh fuck!' while looking right at him, which he could undoubtedly lipread. i accelerated like a lunatic onto the freeway. he was four cars behind and sped up at breakneck speed, weaving in and out of traffic. he started beeping his horn and waving his arm out the window. i literally broke out in a cold sweat in milliseconds. i pulled out my mobile and began talking into it, waving my hands around as though i was on handsfree. he drove along side me for 2 and a half exits then sped off. fuuuuuuuck.
i'd also like to add that there were several other things that he said similar to the can't-be-stuffed-driving-20-minutes thing; i didn't make a rash decision.
anyways... who did i date after that. oh yeah. went out with a number 3 who i thought was amazingly funny to talk to, easy to get along with, similar to me on so many levels, but i wasn't physically attracted to him. i ended up getting so angry at myself cos of my superficiality that i organised the date. we went out. he was great, although i think he may lie a little when he tells stories. not exaggerate like i do ('i swear it was four hundred and forty four degrees today!') but as in totally make shit up. i was sitting there, upset as buggery that a) i wasn't attracted to him and b) that he wasn't stuffing up so that i could have a valid reason as to why i wouldn't go out on a second date with him. and then... 'i take party drugs'.
i'm sorry.
what?
enter Bee, youth worker. enter Bee, case manager. enter Bee, most suspicious employee at her work
i proceeded to ask number 3 how often, what kind, how much etc etc. he said a few times a year. times that by at least 3 for the real answer. so he has ecstasy once a month. he then immediately went on to say he's waiting for his passport cos he's going overseas for an indefinate amount of time. i nearly said 'oh no, my apologies, you're on the date with the wrong girl, you want to be with my cousin, Danielle, she only dates men who are just about to leave her and the country'.
i think that was a mutual HJNTIM after the way i reacted, as much as it was a IJNTIH.
hmm... number 4 was actually the following night. it was the exact opposite of the previous night. i was insanely attracted to him... and could not think of one topic, one sentence, one word, one syllable, not even a grunt to utter to him. the lack of chemistry nearly killed me. it was a mutual HJNTIM / IJNTIH. he was STUNNING... but completely girlfriend and socially retarded.
so where am i now?
i exactly the same place i was before these 4 men
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