dating dramas

good grief.

so much for never having been out on a date. since my last post i've been on not just one, but a few first dates.
will rate everything with a 'He's just not that into me' (HJNTIM) or 'i'm just not that into him' (IJNTIH)

hmm where to start.

ok - number 1 - i went to his house and played wii which was cool. he made me tea. very nice. he talked about interesting stuff. very good. we didn't have a moment of silence - awesome. he accepted that i started to become insanely cut when i was losing at wii tennis. fantastic. but number 1 didn't wear deodorant. i'm not joking. i could smell him when i wasn't even that close to him. and i started to get confused - surely he would have showered? it must be me, i decided. i pretended to scratch my ankle and secretly sniffed my armpit. nope. i showered that morning, went to work, got home, showered again, moisturized, deodorised and perfumised. i smelt great. number 1 - not so much. no second date - didn't message him for a few days, he got the idea. IJNTIH

number 2 - insane. was driving home from first and only date with number 1 and i turned into a lane as another car also turned. we both had our windows down and we stared at one another. he was soooo hot. actually - he looked EXACTLY like my ex, but nevertheless i wasn't thinking about him right then. we slowed down as there were no cars in front or behind us and he began talking to me. i was grinning like a fool, thinking 'this is AWESOME! i so don't care about how bad number 1 smelt anymore! over it!'. he asked if i wanted to pull over so we could talk. we chatted for 10 minutes. exchanged numbers. drove off. he messaged me within 10 minutes. very nice. over the following week we talked and chatted - being so close to christmas i was booked up morning, noon and night. but the more i spoke to him, the more i thought about my ex. they were the same nationality, same age, same accent, same living arrangements, looked EXACTLY the same (can't stress that enough). from wednesday we started talking about how we were going to go out on sunday afternoon. i kept asking where he'd like to go, what he'd like to do, and he kept saying 'anything anything, i just want to see you, you just tell me where' which i found a little annoying but whatever. so sunday comes along... he calls me.

number 2: Bee! How are you?!
Me: Hi number 2, how are you?
number 2: good thankyou. i can't wait to see you. where are you?
Me: ah i'm actually in Brunswick at the moment (insert here that my little sister lost her camera, borrowed mine, left it in her friend's bag, said friend was leaving the next day to spend the next month in Perth, Christmas coming up and i needed my camera... so i was at her house; unavoidable)
number 2: Brunswick?! (shocked voice) so um, where did you want to catch up? what do you want to do? (insert here that number 2 and I live 15 minutes from brunswick)
Me: um, well, i'm just finishing up here, we can catch up here or i was thinking that we could head down to the city, i have to go to melbourne central, there are heaps of nice cafes and bars there... or we could go accross the road to QV?
number 2: the city! gee Bee, that's far... i thought we'd go somewhere closer... like Essendon (insert here that essendon is 15 minutes from our house and the city is an extra 5. immediately i thought about how i spent over 20 minutes just straitening my hair. decided IJNTIH on the spot)
Me: um... you said you wanted to go anywhere... (i trailed off)
number 2: but yeah, i thought since we lived so close to one another we'd go somewhere closer to us... look, maybe we can catch up another day during the week, maybe after work?
Me: yeah maybe (coldly)

hung up and called best friend Liza. she was the one who ordered me to start dating. despite my story, she was still so desperate for me to date that she said 'Bee... c'mon... give him another chance...'

i got cut with her and called my cousin danielle who gave me the response i was looking for. 'Bee, you've got to be kidding. guys are at their absolute best in the beginning. if he can't be bothered driving down 20 minutes to see you for a first date that you guys have been talking about for a week forget it.'

anyway so he was a bit harder to shake. he sent me 10 smses for every one cold one word sms i sent him, he continued to call even after i didn't pick up his calls for days. after christmas he was dying to see me. by new year's eve i thought i was finally rid of him, after not hearing anything for almost 48 hours.

i was dressed up in my burlesque costume and driving to my friend's house on new year's eve. i was wearing frilly blue polka dot knickers... and very little else. i was driving around the roundabout and as i was turning i noticed the hottest guy in the car across from me, waiting to enter the roundabout. we locked eyes. he was HOT! his face contorted. i noticed his car was nice. he has a sunroof... IT'S NUMBER 2! i yelled 'oh fuck!' while looking right at him, which he could undoubtedly lipread. i accelerated like a lunatic onto the freeway. he was four cars behind and sped up at breakneck speed, weaving in and out of traffic. he started beeping his horn and waving his arm out the window. i literally broke out in a cold sweat in milliseconds. i pulled out my mobile and began talking into it, waving my hands around as though i was on handsfree. he drove along side me for 2 and a half exits then sped off. fuuuuuuuck.

i'd also like to add that there were several other things that he said similar to the can't-be-stuffed-driving-20-minutes thing; i didn't make a rash decision.

anyways... who did i date after that. oh yeah. went out with a number 3 who i thought was amazingly funny to talk to, easy to get along with, similar to me on so many levels, but i wasn't physically attracted to him. i ended up getting so angry at myself cos of my superficiality that i organised the date. we went out. he was great, although i think he may lie a little when he tells stories. not exaggerate like i do ('i swear it was four hundred and forty four degrees today!') but as in totally make shit up. i was sitting there, upset as buggery that a) i wasn't attracted to him and b) that he wasn't stuffing up so that i could have a valid reason as to why i wouldn't go out on a second date with him. and then... 'i take party drugs'.

i'm sorry.

what?

enter Bee, youth worker. enter Bee, case manager. enter Bee, most suspicious employee at her work

i proceeded to ask number 3 how often, what kind, how much etc etc. he said a few times a year. times that by at least 3 for the real answer. so he has ecstasy once a month. he then immediately went on to say he's waiting for his passport cos he's going overseas for an indefinate amount of time. i nearly said 'oh no, my apologies, you're on the date with the wrong girl, you want to be with my cousin, Danielle, she only dates men who are just about to leave her and the country'.

i think that was a mutual HJNTIM after the way i reacted, as much as it was a IJNTIH.

hmm... number 4 was actually the following night. it was the exact opposite of the previous night. i was insanely attracted to him... and could not think of one topic, one sentence, one word, one syllable, not even a grunt to utter to him. the lack of chemistry nearly killed me. it was a mutual HJNTIM / IJNTIH. he was STUNNING... but completely girlfriend and socially retarded.

so where am i now?

i exactly the same place i was before these 4 men